...

Long long ago, (Four years back to be precise) I was under the delusion that I would write a book someday. I had a theme in my mind and even started writing!! But after all these years, I realised it's not my cup of tea. Here is a bit of what I wrote...

"I care. I love you. I can understand your insecurities. I respect your secrets. I shall never probe into your past. I shall never ask you who was there before me. I understand that you need your space sometimes and that you need to be alone and I shall let you be. I promise, I shall never force you to talk to me when you want to be quiet.


May be there was someone in the distant past who suited your taste better than I do. May be your life belonged to another person some time before I came in. May be there is someone who you will never be able to erase from your memory completely and some song, some fragrance, some gesture will forever remind you of that someone. I shall not insist that you be just mine. In fact, I shall not insist on anything.


I come with rare abilities. I can keep a smile on my face even when I feel like crying. I can laugh at myself and empathise with others. I can think positive even when I know there is no hope. More than anything else, I can love. I am a giver. I can give all I have without expecting anything in return.

You will never find me sobbing on your shoulders because I have always been the one to stroke people's head and lend my shoulders when they need. I will never let you hear a single complaint from me even though I hear my own heart break sometime.

Even after all this, if you want to go, I shall let you go. I shall never try to make you stay no matter how much it hurts me. I will still thank this life for letting me stay close to you even for a short while. I still think I have reasons to smile, I still think I have reasons to be happy...

Just a piece of crap

This is something I wrote long back. Got it today while looking for something else...

Darkness was slowly gnawning at the evening twilight. Birds seemed to have decided to go home long before the nightfall today. An eerie silence filled the place. ''Again it's me and my lonliness,'' she thought.

Standing in the large balcony overlooking the lush green, freshly mowed lawn, she sipped her rather sweet coffee slowly. It was so long back that she had had a good conversation with anyone. It was so long since she went for a music concert. It was so long ago that she lived...

She realised the danger laid in that direction and steered her thoughts away from it and started pacing across the length of the balcony, emptying her mind of all thoughts. She heard a sudden shout from below and upon looking found her maid chasing a stray dog that was trying to soil the garden.

She was amused at them for a while and thought absentmindedly, ''what's the woman's name agian?'' It occured as a simple thought but a full 5 minutes later, she was racking her brains to remember.

She went furious, she could not remember the woman's name! damn! She spoke to the maid everyday, called her by name just an hour back and now she could not remember! She felt helpless after a while and to her horror felt the tears trickle down her face. Her silent tears became soft sobs and before long she was crying hysterically.

Tears unwept for so long, that permanent lump in the throat melting and flowing though the eyes, wetting her cheeks, flowing still down and down and down...

Sweet my child.........

I looked up and looked directly into the eyes of the genius whose face was serious and tensed. I could see the reflection of what he was doing in the glasses he wore and what I saw there horrified me. I was chilled to the bones. This can't be happening, I thought in panic. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. ''What would he say if he knew that I could see?'' I wondered. He probably wouldn't care. I looked for half a minute and closed my eyes shut never to open again. Not as long as I could see what I saw...

''Divya!! Open your eyes!!'' he said, ''and ''look!!!!" Just then I was slowly drifting to a deep, dreamless sleep and in my mind was the vivid image of the blood oozing out of my body as he cut up my utreus- the glimpse of which I caught in his glasses.

''IT'S A BOY!!!! '' and he was dangling my son upside-down. Cesearian was over. The tiny little thing was just scooped up from inside my womb was now bawling at the top of his lungs as though he liked it better in there and did not like being brought to this world! Well, No words in any language can explain what I felt at the moment. I do not even try. It was ecstatic. It was ethereal. My son was born!

''Did you show him to my husband?'' I asked and before I fainted I heard a distant voice of some faceless nurse assuring, ''yes, he is very happy and is concerned about you.''

When I opened my eyes again I was shifted to the ward and there were atleast 10-15 people surrounding my bed. All examining the little fellow and trying to decide whether he looked like his dad or mom. I looked at my flat, wrinkled tummy. My bump was gone! It felt strange and empty, I could not feel the kick I was so accustomed to.

I tried to reach out for my son and screamed as a sharp pain went through my body like electric shock. I could not move an inch of my body. My husband heard me and brought the tiny fellow to me.

I looked at my son. His tiny face, those tiny hands, ears like shells... Eyes wet, emotions overwhelmed, I kissed his tiny feet and whispered in his ears, ''I Love You"